Painted

A poem by Raea Nyxx

 

As they days go by

I start wondering why,

One time when I was young

I never thought I’d die

Just walk the world

Young forever,

Innocent and naive

The way things should be.

 

As the years go by

I realized we all die

Noticed my variations

Like a vile disease,

Tossed to the side

With empty thoughts.

Everyone laughed,

Everyone loved,

Everyone lived,

I saw through the blissful facade

Chronic depression dragging me down

Like a sadistic demon

Pushed away those I loved,

Turned on death’s song

Day to day,

Hoping.

For.

Something.

To.

Change.

 

As minutes go by

I questioned why

We live,

Why we exist,

It’s painful.

Unlike a razor cutting my wrist

Parting my skin

So the red sea can flow freely.

Night in,

Night out,

Suicidal thoughts ran rampant

Through my graveyard mind

These scars becoming too deep to hide.

All those nights I cried

Because what else was there to do?

Every night horrified that I would die

Be thrown back into eternal nothingness

But why?

Isn’t death the gift of life?

 

One time my eyes were sewed shut,

Ears muffled by hate’s whispers,

Vocal cords held tight together,

By this demon inside me.

The brighter the daylight becomes

The greater my dark thoughts become

The more I succumb

The more they consume

 

This war inside my head

Mental war of destruction

Warming the red button

Self-destruction

My hidden way out.

 

Life is painted

By our thoughts

By our fears

Wash it away,

So you can start over again

The only the way to leave it

Is blank.

 

Writing credit to Raea Nyxx

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