First Love

A short story by Mister Grey


The way his sky blue eyes meet my less graceful eyes, it’s like being lifted to space. Warmth spreads throughout my body when he walks by. The thought of him talking to me makes me blush intensely, coloring my pale skin cherry red. I can almost see my glasses fogging up from my warm breathe. He starts to walk over to me, my heart starts to beat faster and faster. Am I already blushing before he even gets close to me? Oh no…this is going to be terrible….I’m just enjoying a cool ice coffee as the sun attacks the world below. It slides down my throat so perfectly, like a trickle of ice covering the back of my throat. The umbrella above the small table giving protection from the loud violent sun.

“Hello, I’m Rin.” He says to me, I start to freak out. Trying to compose myself enough to speak I finally let out some air.

“H-H-Hi….I-I’m…..Kasumi…” This is one of the few coffee shops around where I live…out of all of Tokyo he chose this one too….maybe he lives nearby?…I need to stop thinking..

“I just wanted to say I love the way your hair matches roses.” As he gets the last couple words out I start blushing certainly….There’s no way I’m not blushing now…..I try to reply but my hand slips and knocks over my coffee….it splashes all over him….

“I’m so sorry! I-I didn’t mean to….to…to knock my coffee on you!” I try to plea and hope he understands….I messed up so bad…I always do…He looks up…his face graces me with a smile. My heart almost stops…He doesn’t look mad at all..His hand brushes against my face…Like a silk cloth wiping across me. A warm, warm, warm cloth. I can feel his eyes diving into my soul…finding the attraction I hold within..I’ve known about him for years….It can’t be hard to spot my feelings….

“I’m fine. Are you okay Kasumi-chan? You look a little pale.” His voice takes the tenseness of the situation away, creating an atmosphere of happiness. As if nothing ever happened.

“Y-yes, I just had a little scare ya know?” I say to try and ease back to where we were before. He asks me my interests, I feed him a bunch of cutesy, geeky things. Manga, anime, oh did I mention I love animals and cosplay? They aaaalways love the cosplay bit. It’s like all guys here want to see girls in skimpy cosplays. Such perverts, but ah, guess I can’t blame them. I would be to die for in a school uniform.

“I know a really good store nearby. It has lots of cool things like rare mangas and stuff.” He asks ever so gently, gesturing his hand towards me. I give a cute almost too fake anime style smile, eyes closed and all; routine at this point. I don’t know why they always love the shy girl with glasses and a ridiculous, obviously, screaming “I’m a trap. Danger danger.” siren in their heads. But it doesn’t, they just accept their dream girl without debate. Not even a single argument with themselves thinking ya know.

‘What if she’s a serial killer or something? Maybe she’s a super fan stalker that’s going to kidnap you and make you enact her yaoi fantasies.’

I mean seriously, they’re all just too easy; I want a challenge I NEED a challenge. He pays for the bill which was so so kind. Then we head off to the bookstore, I catch him staring at me ever so often. Not dominate enough to hold a gaze for long, but confident enough to try. This won’t do, I’m sooo tired of these weaklings…They see a shy girl and still can’t act upon a single thing. It’s as if they were taught to not even compliment someone they’re attracted to. I show interest and yet he still doesn’t bite. The way he walks with his shoulders broad, chin up, just enough movement to be seen as a threat. Yet his personality seems to completely throw that away. Is he trying to hide something? Maybe he’s a little twisted inside too…planning to harm me when we’re alone…could his plans be so similar? Oh, oh now this is getting me EXCITED! WILL HE TRY TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF MY BODY!? GIVING ME THE ULTIMATE EDGE OVER HIM?! WAIT FOR HIM TO GET SO CLOSE THEN…SLICE!!! YOU’RE FUCKING DEAD!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!


Calm…calm..calm…don’t get too excited…but I can’t stand to play with such a boring specimen. Though, if he does plan to do something to me unexpected. If he is just luring me away slowly to not scare me off like innocent prey spooked by a shadow. Then this will be far more interesting. But, when he looks over it’s never at my boobs or anything, just at my eyes. Maybe that’s his fetish? Or maybe he’s genuinely a timid guy who was given the gift of physical deception, keeping him safe from predators who are stronger. I watch him like a hawk stalking its prey before striking with perfect precision. Not yet. Not yet. Almost. Soon. But not now. The way he checks on me, maybe he’s suspicious. Often the cute, shy, almost too perfect girl in anime is the yandere who is actually a serial killer. Oh he’d be so right but so wrong. He doesn’t seem the type to watch anime, the way he has shaped his life, he’s never seen before today; but oh have I seen him. I know his entire schedule by heart.


Mondays he goes to classes, then takes a quick break with a cup of coffee at the same cafe as today. After he goes to kendo practice, he’s quite the skilled swordsman, his strength is yet to be determined. He looks strong, he works out clearly for kendo, but how well does he work out? There’s so many muscles that matter that are easily overlooked by man. Strength also isn’t just physical, it’s a mindset, the most muscular men can easily be broken mentally; making their physical strength useless. I know I shouldn’t have acted out just yet not knowing that but I can’t take it anymore. Once he leaves practice he visits a house, a sick relative I think; then he goes home to sleep. His home is hard to get near without being seen. So I don’t know what he does inside.

Tuesdays are almost the same thing, except he walks around before heading home. Same Wednesday, Thursdays are like Mondays, Fridays are completely filled with a cafe visit, some shopping from a rather geeky store. Then home for the rest of it, I don’t think I’ve really seen him leave his home over the weekends usually. He lives a rather bland life that follows a flawless routine like a zombie. I’ve noticed he tends to walk around the same area even; there doesn’t seem to be a reason. His obsessive drinking of the same coffee shows multiple things. One being obvious, he needs a strict routine to feel sane like most people. Two, there may be a sentimental value to the walk and coffee. Three, he may stay up late and need caffeine to help him function all day. Four, the like of bitter taste and bland lifestyle are deceiving potentially. I love bitter tastes, something about the bitterness is soothing. Like someone understanding my twisted sick world. I also used to hide my intentions and still do, behind a normal seeming life. Could he be doing the same? It’s likely, thinking about it, he seems rather anti-social, excluded from the world; like a puppy being put outside in the rain. That builds resentment….it’s more and more likely seeming that he’s like me; to some extent.

“Hey? Kasumi-chan? Are you alright?” I must have spaced out while thinking about everything. I have to be on my guard, especially if he does try to flip this on me. He sounds rather concerned….but then again he could be a great actor.

“I’m fine. Thank you. I was just thinking about how everything has been depressing lately. Then you, you’re….turning the lights back on. Thank you.” I reply keeping my shyness consistent but throw in some confidence. Adding boldness to my character could spook him a little, but not likely enough to make him run. More importantly he could see a little more through my plans if he is like me. Showing him to back off if he is like me, then again I still want to kill him.

“It’s no problem, I’m glad I could make you feel better. I don’t really know you but I feel like I’ve known you for longer than a few minutes.” He sounds charming, almost too charming, it’s more blunt about his intentions than before. Maybe he simply wants to take this chance of my apparent vulnerability to increase his chances of being with me. Such a fool if that is the case, it does seem likely; such a foolish person. Surely I’m giving him far too much credit for my own enjoyment. Once again I can feel that dull sensation returning, the desire to return a toy to the store in exchange for a new one. Bloodlust quickly consumes me, numbing my mind; simply wanting to murder this play thing brutally. STOP! I need to keep it in line! I need to act quicker, get him dead faster. But not too fast, going too fast isn’t fun; it spoils it. I stare at him with a lovely adored expression, hypnotizing him with my cuteness. I can see him start to blush, it becomes a deeper and deeper red; reminding me of the blood in his veins. Allowing my soft, gentle hand to slide right into his. Grabbing his kindly, allowing him to falsely gain power from here on if he acts now. Stroking his ego, corrupting his senses, giving me the perfect opportunity to strike.

“R-Rin-kun….maybe…maybe we c-c-can go…somewhere…a-alone….?” I ask in the cutest voice I could force out my vocals. The words are poison to me, far too loving than I could ever care to feel. He steps back in shock but composes himself quickly. Losing interest faster and faster…I JUST WANT HIM DEAD!!! I NEED TO KILL HIM FAST!!! Calm….CALM THE FUCK DOWN!!! Just another second….Oh Kasumi….don’t you know what he’s done? He’s the one who gave you to us. He did it to save himself to love his girlfriend Ana for ever and ever. Living the dream you once held onto tightly. He did? He did this to me? HE RUINED MY DREAMS!? THIS IS MORE THAN PLEASURE NOW!!! THIS IS FAAAAR MORE THAN SURVIVAL!!!! HE GAVE ME TO THIS MONSTER!!! TO BE TORTURED FOREVER!!!! TO LIVE MY DREAM!? He says something but I disregard it, I don’t care anymore…I just wanted to be loved for once…just wanted to love someone…..just wanted to make someone happy….then…then….THAT MAN WHORE RUINED THAT DREAM!!!! We start to walk to his place I think, I can’t remember anymore, wait..I can’t remember what I didn’t hear…I don’t even know what’s going on anymore….anymore? It’s only been a few minutes…FUCK IT!!! I’m done with this…as soon as we turn into an alley I turn him around to face me. This gloomy, concrete, filthy corridor will now be your grave.

I pull out a small knife from my hair. It looked like a clip but it wasn’t….OH YOU REEAAAALLLYY MESSED UP NOW!!! You loved him remember…before Ana came in you almost had him. Remember Kasumi? You were so close to him, he petted your head, gave you hugs, complimented your beautifulness. Until she showed up. I’M GOING TO TEAR HIM TO PIECES!!!! The knife goes in once, right through his neck, the warm, crimson, liquid of life squirts out. His eyes shocked, filled with horror. I can sense the terror in his eyes, enjoying every moment of it. Poking holes in his throat, watching as he chokes on his blood.

“HA! HOW DOES IT FEEL RIN-KUN!? TO USED ME!!! CHOSE ANA THEN GAVE ME THIS DISEASE!!! WHY!?! TELL ME WHY!?! OH WHAT’S THAT?! YOU CAN’T BECAUSE YOU’RE CHOKING ON YOUR OWN BLOOD!?! OH NO SOMEONE HELP!! NOT!! OOOOOOOH YOU REAAAALLLLYYY FUCKED UP RIN!!! YOU SHOULD’VE CHOSE ME!!” I yell as I stick the knife in several more times. His chest covered in incisions, clearly of passionate hatred. I kick him on the ground as he hopes for help to arrive. Hope not leaving his eyes yet as he holds his throat. Trying to stop his death.

“JUST DIE!!! WAS SHE WORTH IT!!!?? HUH!? ANSWER ME DAMMIT!? I JUST WANTED TO LOVE AND BE LOVED!!! ARE YOU JUST A PERV!? WERE HIT BOOBS BIGGER!? WHAT WAS IT!? WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME!? ALL ALONE WITH THIS..THIS..MONSTER!!!” I can’t take it anymore. I fall down next to him. Tears crashing to the ground like fallen angels. Staining my porcelain face along with the scars…placing my body over his, my arms around his dying body.

“I love you Rin. I always did. But then you left. What did you expect senpai? WHAT DID YOU EXPECT! I’m sorry…so so…sorry…BUT YOU DID THIS!” I can feel my mind breaking down, footsteps sneak up on me to view at the disgusting scene. I see what I’ve done then flee. Picking up my useless, toxic lover body and run. Run faster than I ever have, my heart pounding almost harder than it did for Rin. I can feel the monster surfacing once again. Gotcha Kasumi! Is that even your real name? Who knows you little lying whore! HAHAHA that wasn’t your lover! He  never hurt you! THAT ooooh guess what? I know you’re going to love this bit. THAT was your brother! Why didn’t he know you? Oh he did, that’s why he was so nice. Thinking only of his little sister he once lost to a tragic accident. Never to be seen again, guess he didn’t see her coming back to kill him! NOW THAT IS GOLD!

“No! NO! That can’t be true! What have I done! Onii-Chan!!!” I-I’m so sorry….I would never hurt you…I guess I am a monster now…

“Just calm down Yami, you’re a social warrior. Cleansing the world of the scum in it. You must carry on your crusade against evil!”

“You’re right. Thank you for believing in me.” I know what I must do now.